Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Haze Descends On Freaktopia

Freaktopia, Freaktopia – Recently, there is a thick suffocating blanket of asthma-inducing haze enveloping the realm of Freaktopia. The innocent smog does absolutely nothing except for causing traffic accidents to pop up like a fungus infection, cause the Freaktopian inhabitants (humans and non-humans, alive and dead alike) to drop dead like flies being sprayed with a healthy dose of Baygone and flood the newspapers with thoroughly useless reports on the current obstinate atmospheric condition that is determined to stay for the next few millennia and add itself to the ever-increasing problems and woes of Freaktopia.

As the haze continues to exist, the Health and Death Ministry is experiencing a huge spike in its citizens dropping like flies, spontaneously combusting and being flung 5km after being hit by speeding vehicles and splattering all over the roads. ”The haze is simply terrible, you know?!” demanded an irate Mutabakian whom was smoking literally at the ears. “I cannot even see who I am talking to and whenever I hear voices, I thought I going insane because I am talking to an invisible person,” said the Mutabakian to herself before spontaneously combusting to a delightful crisp. The High Commissioner of the Mutabakian Police Force had declared that the entire force will be on break until the haze moves to another dimension, until then, citizens are encouraged to take legal matters into their hands. Also, the executioner will be away on annual leave. Much as the haze is posing plenty of physical and mental health issues to law-abiding Freaktopians, the thick and impenetrable smog is good news to those who are planning break-ins, smugglings, heists and murder or simply getting away scot-free after mowing down a crowd of kindergarten brats playing in the middle of the highway. 

Nobody know how the haze came about as it literally appeared out of Nowhere (a new dimension that is currently being explored by physicists at the Royal Urban University of Mutabak (RUUM), Unknown University (UU) and Allopia Spy School (ASS)) and settled over the infinitely vast multiverse of Freaktopia, as though it is a sentient being and had arrived at the conclusion that this is the perfect place for a permanent residence. This is the official answer issued unanimously by the three most prestigious educational institutions in Freaktopia. However, the inhabitants are unsatisfied by such “boring and brainlessly politically correct statements” and that they are beginning to dig into matter (armed with teaspoons, spatulas and beach spades). “I am certain the haze is caused by the ongoing war between Fiji and Veggiepura with the former burning swathes   of farmlands, vegetable crops, plantations and citizens, while the latter is retaliating with firing of chili bombs, catapulting of gigantic pumpkins, hurling of exploding watermelons and arcane summoning of killer beanstalks,” said a Mutabakian sagely. Yet again, not all Freaktopians share the same sentiments. One believed that the haze might be due to the Urban Geek’s summoning ritual going awry and her flaming Ifrit is happily hurling hellfire everywhere and anywhere. 

In her defence, the Urban Geek, aka Royal High Summoner, stated she had not been conducting any summoning rituals and the hot weather is certainly not conducive for summoning a Fire-type Aeon since the summoner is likely to faint and die from heatstroke before the Aeon could be successfully summoned. When fingers are pointed in the direction of the Duck Medium, whom is well-known for conducting numerous forbidden rituals, the medium was discovered to be silently slitting open several teddy bears and muttering prayers in the dark. Meanwhile, the Princess of Mutabak is unavailable for comments and is believed to be on an incognito tour of the scenic environs of Mount Pra.

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