Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Critters Cuisine


Presented by Critter Connoisseur Whiskie
Address: backyard of Mutabak Palace
Opening Hours: All The Time

Due to the roaring business made by Critters Cuisine Company, Critters Connoisseur Whiskie the CEO of the firm, had finally decided to open branches of Critters Cuisine all over Freaktopia as well as within the compounds of the Mutabak Palace. The new branches will be officially opened by the Princess Mutabak, High Priestess of Seerland and the Duck Medium. The new shops will be located in the toilets of the Mutabak Palace, The Royal Gallows, underground sewers and the Pond.

Fish and Cold
Deep sea monster fishes are freshly caught from the deep depths royal pond of the Mutabak Palace, some 8000ft below the surface. The fresh seafood is then beheaded and then fried in ice and powdered charcoal. Liquid nitrogen sauce is then poured on the dish for extra flavoring, served together the fish’s frostbitten head. If not you can freeze the fish to death and drain it of blood, then eat it raw with ice kachang shavings and frozen brine and fishbone soup

Customers can choose to rent a leaking sampan or rotten drifting plank to go out to the pond to fish for their own deep sea monster seafood. All customers are to take precautions not to irritate the giant tentacled inhabitants, or risk both life, limbs, capital punishments and torture treatments.

Cost—depending on what species of seafood you catch, the weight of the seafood and the preparation methods required.

Fishy De-lights
Fresh hot water fishes caught from the Dip Sea are knocked unconscious with a sledgehammer then steamed for 8 hours. They are then fried in motor oil and then soaked in sweet and spicy larvae sauce to get rid of the fishy essence. The dish is then completed by a generous topping of crushed glass light bulbs and Malazian Neon Soup. Another alternative is that the dish can be prepared by stewing it in Whiskie’s special Tandoori and Masala molten glass and then baking it in 7000°c neon gas for a royal sensation.

Customers can choose other forms of seafood besides fishes. There are squid, prawn, cuttlefish and shellfishes. Our seafood also comes in many sizes such as huge, gigantic, titanic, small, medium and microscopic. Prices vary according to the number of organisms caught and their weight.

Seafood Salad

Rotten fish, prawn, crab, calm, sotong, squid, octopus, cuttlefish and other deceased and decomposing marine wildlife are all dumped into a mega large porcelain bowl. They are then allowed to further decompose by adding houseflies, maggots and ants to create an out-of-this-world rancid taste. Wilted lettuces, cabbages and seaweed are thrown into the mixture together with the seafood and insects, with date-expired plankton salad sauce and blended seafood brains.

Or else customers can request for blended seafood organs, which consist of all the organs of every seafood placed in a blending machine, for extra nutrients. Puffer fish soy sauce or concentrated brine gravy is available if customers find the food a little too bland.


Ocean Pie
A popular dish which the fillings are constructed from the ant and maggot eaten shark carcass and crab shell. The main ingredients are stir-fried with Thai sour and sour sauce, dead corals and sewer algae. The crust of the pie is personally kneaded by the Critter Connoisseur itself, which is made form a mixture of mouldy flour, swamp mud,drain water, moss, rotten eggs and fungi. The pie is then finished by baking it until it turns black and topped with worm-eaten cherry. A Maureen Saw will be provided for customers to penetrate the crust.


Income Tax Omelette
A delicacy amongst the inhabitants of Freaktopia. A grand mixture of smashed and decayed chicken, duck, ostrich, penguin and do-do bird eggs and eggshells, fried in medical and lubricative oils to produce a greasy and healthy heart-attack sensation. Shredded income tax bills are added to the omelette, together with diluted xian dan gravy and molten hair wax sauce.

Cost-----------large:$6.50..................extra large:$13.00..............very large:$9.50

Toilet Random
Spiders, cockroaches, lizards and other critters found in bathrooms are marinated in tree bark, tree root and tree leaf sauce for 49 hours. They are then fried in olive hair oil with a light dashing of baby powder fro extra flavoring and seasoning


Sinful Random
True to its name, this dish is made up of the most sinful living organisms ever know to the Duck Medium. Goldfish, Silverfish and Stonefish are fishnapped and secretly brought to Critters Connoisseur, where it will prepare the dish using the Maureen Saw ver. Piranha. The fishes are then stewed in bitter drain sauce and sour toilet sauce. This complicated dish then have hair spray, Baygon, Mortein and deoderant added to it for fragrance and taste enhancement, with greasy Kai Chuan Special Gravy for texture and colour.

by duck medium

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