AUCTION HOUSE

address: Mortal Realm, Freaktopia, Phua Kang Road back alley. $15 admission fees required

things to take note:

• no police personnel allowed into the premises or risk being sued by us
• no stealing is allowed.
• customers are reminded to bring enough cash or risk being thrown out.
• credit card, Other Realm Money(unless you are a OR citizen), cheque and fake money are not allowed to be used.
• pay first before you buy.
• no refund for damaged items.
• self-service.

Motto: we steal. we sell. we earn. you pay

Today's Special: Selling rare items stolen from the Mutabak Palace.

Items

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1. Whiskie

A completely and hopelessly insane lifeform inhabiting the backyard of the Mutabak Palace, killing innocent cockroaches and lizards. Whiskie is the the owner of the famous Critters Connoisseur Catering Company. This living organism had almost driven the royal inhabitants of the Mutabak Palace insane with its never-ending-190decibels whining.

Disclaimer: purchase at the risk of your own sanity and eardrums. This living thing cannot be killed, tortured, trained or given away, due to a curse placed by Queen Mutabak

cost:$0.10

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2. FISH DEN

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An evil entity cursed by the Duck Medium as Sinful. This item is filled to the brim with extra-concentrated sulphuric acid, with poisonous arrowanas and piranhas living within it. A neccessity for a household with too many family members. Don't bother cleaning the tank as the inhabitants are clean eaters and the acid will do the cleaning, just remember to feed it a owner per day to keep it happy. The food must be below 40 years old, free from STDs and not under-nourished. Overweight applicants are welcomed with open jaws.

Cost: $39.90

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3.PRINCESS MUTABAK'S BICYCLE

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The powder blue bicycle is a favourite toy of the Mutabak Princess and it cannot bear to be parted with its owner. The vehicle is enchanted by the living breath of the Princess, causing it to come to life on every weekend. The enchantment will cause the bike and its rider to crash into speeding trucks, trees or lamp posts at breakbones speed, after one week of ownership.

Warning: This bicycle has caused the death of three people and the loss of several limbs, as well as causing major car accidents, extensive property and environmental damage.

Cost: $119.70

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4.GRIMOIRE

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This ancient and dusty tome is filled with all kinds of spells, enchantments and curses accumulated by the Mutabak ancestors. The Grimoire is also filled with all kinds of knowledge, information, dicoveries, researches and studies ranging from astronomy to zoology. However, this moth-eaten book is still sought after by many people, especially the TFM sect and the Gory Chick who will use the book to transform Freaktopia into their own evil perverted playground. Be warned! This book will always automatically update itself by growing new pages and writing in them. It may sometime fill itself with useful rumours, gossips, paparazzi news or the darkest secrets of others. Please use the information for your own selfish monetary benefit via blackmailing!

Caution: the book will occassionally write the owner's secrets into its pages. owners are warned that the book is allergic to correction fluid, and do not try tearing the pages out unless you want to be cursed or crushed by the heavy book.

Cost: please negotiate with Animal Instinct. addition of $85 will be charged for cleaning services and furthur $100 will be charged for using an amoured truck to transport the 1 tonne Grimoire.

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5.QUEEN MUTABAK'S SEWING MACHINE

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A 17th century antique thrown out of the 17th story window by the Queen Mutabak, because it tried to sew her fingers together, into the backyard of the Mutabak Palace missing Whiskie's head by 0.01 mm. This sewing machine is able to through anything because the sewing needle is made form a fragment of the Maureen Saw. A treasure fit of any seamstress.

Cost: $87.65

note: any loss of limbs, life or property damage are your own problems. No blaming is allowed. New owners are advised to top up your existing insurances or else face the consequences.

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6.SOFT TOY CABINET

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A wooden cabinet made of Very Haunted Wood, is bursting with stuffed toys. Every Spring, for 15 days, these toys escape from the cabinet to wreck havoc in the house by cursing the inhabitants with loads of bad luck, wrecking furniture, creating mayhem, spreading disease and pandemonium, encouraging children to create chaos and inducing paranoia in adults. Children are advised not to play with the Barbie Dolls as they re infected with AIDS.

Disclaimer:owners are told to keep your problems to yourselves, do not let them out of the house. Free cabinet window replacement for 1 day. Do not give away any or bring any soft toy out of the house or risk being arrested for disturbing social peace.

Cost: $99.99, after 1 cent discount

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by Duck Medium