Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Allopia and Bala Stella




ANNOUNCEMENTS
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This afternoon, all gym lessons will be cancelled due to extreme dead guy in the locker.
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Whoever had stolen the school's mascot, Count Bunnicula, is to return it by dawn or risk both holiday in the torture chambers and capital punishment.
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Swim Team, please note that practice for this afternoon will be cancelled as the Biology students will be releasing their newly created Mutant Piranhas. Swim at your own risk.
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All students are once again reminded by the long-winded Principal Sushi Ho that you are allowed to use desks, chairs, window panes and other classroom furniture if you are fighting. All damages will be paid by the Ministry of Education.
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Fourth year students going to University of Everything are not allowed to venture outside the school compounds without a spacesuit or risk suffocation or simply be sucked out to the nearest black hole. Students are also to stay clear of the Labs and Gardens, or lose both limbs and life.
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Students taking Ritualogy are to collect your corpses from the school's morgue. You are not allowed to reanimate your dead bodies in case they are infected with mad corpse disease.
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The Chinology Students will be performing a funeral funds raising concert this evening in LT 5, a $500 admission will be charged. They will be performing the Heart Sutra (Kwan Yin Remix), Diamond Sutra (hard rock version) and The Funeral March (techno).
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The mirrors in all the bathrooms are installed with time bombs. This is to deter Ah lians, Ah Bengs and other vainpots and peacocks from hogging the mirrors. The mirrors will explode 5 minutes after viewing and the shards will fly and embed themseles in the flesh of the viewer, so as to futhur enhance their exterior beauty. Passerbys and innocents hurt in the process will not be insured by Lau Sai Insurance as their policy do not cover:"being in the wrong place at the wrong time" as well as "stupid enough not to scram from obvious catastrophes".
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Mr Swimming Instructor, you are not allowed to hang your students in the desert to dry after swimming lessons. Any students combusting spontaneously will be all your fault. you will be expected to pay the bill!
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From 1 Feburary 2006, there will be electricity and water rationing on every monday afternoon 2 pm to 4 pm, as anyone want to use the electric furnitures or water chambers are free to do so without causing the school to have power failures or water shortages.
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Teachers are warned not to provoke students in the Advanced Psychology Faculty as any slight irritation will result in huge bloodshed, gore and multiple deaths. Provocations are to be done at your leisure time at desserted corridors to minimise damage and insurance costs.
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Lately there is someone or something that had been breaking into students dorms and taking their nude photos. Sushi Ho suspect it is some Criminology Students doing some last minute blackmailing assignments. She is warning that any lateness in handing up assignments will result in detention with Miss French, the She-Mantis, or cleaning Bunnicula's cage.
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The school's Choir is looking for students who can produce glass-shattering High C's or able to produce hypnotic Siren effects to join the SYF competition. Banshee screech, Witch cackle or Mad Scientist Laughter are also in demand. Sign up now or regret a life time!
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By Duck Medium

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