Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Announcements at UOE (University Of Everything)

Announcements On UOE 20 January

1. All astronomy students please take note that there will be a field trip to the inner Solar System next week. Please be reminded the school will not be responsible for being scorched, burnt, corroded or chilled to death as a result of this trip.

2. For all biology students, a hide & seek and scavenger hunt will be held at Botanic Gardens. Please read up on plant taxonomy or you will get lost in the gardens. The university will not be responsible for any missing student.

3. All students are required to assemble in the Great Hall today to listen to Miss Piggy for 1 hour. You can do anything you like except sleeping. Love-making is not recommended but allowed.

4. All students are encouraged not to drink from the water cooler as starting from tomorrow; chemicals will be added to the water cooler. Chemistry students are required to test for the following ions:

ANIONS: Cyanide, dichromate (VI), manganate(VII), sulphate ,sulphite, nitrate, nitrite, halide ions and phosphate

CATIONS: Sodium, lithium, potassium, beryllium, magnesium, calcium, barium, aluminium, silver, mercury (I) & (II) and the rest of the transition metal ions of scandium, titanium, vanadium, chromium, manganese, iron, cobalt, nickel, copper, zinc

FUNCTIONAL GROUPS: alcohol, phenol, carboxylic acid, carbonyl

A copy of Encyclopedia Chemica will be awarded to the student who can identify the most chemicals correctly.

5. Swear words are now forbidden in UOE. People who are caught saying swear words will be fined $200.

6. History students please note that we have invited the following historical persons by our afterlife portals for an exchange sessions this Friday from 1-6pm. The historical figures are Hitler Stalin Harry Truman, Leon Trotsky, Empress Dowager Cixi, Sun Yat Sen ,Yuan Shi Kai , Li Hong Zhang

P.S Students are warned there may be a slugfest occurring in this talk


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