Sunday, February 7, 2010


The current Prime Minister of Freaktopia has recently rejected the Fijian Chieftain Ugg Gaa Shaa Gaa’s 998th application to move his people into the pieceful and abundant realm of Freaktopia, after the Chief tried to eat the Prime Minister as a form of native Fijian greeting. Despite the Prime Minister attended the diplomatic meeting in a suit of armour, he had lost several appendages and chunks of flesh as Chieftain Shaa Gaa simply bite through the suit of metal as though it is made of toilet paper.

It is customary that Freaktopia changes its Prime Minister like how Paris Hilton changes her boyfriend, as Prime Ministers rarely survive any diplomatic meetings for they get eaten up, blown up, kidnapped and murdered, assassinated, possessed, turn suicidal and etc. Till date, 997 Prime Ministers have expired on an annual basis.

“It is unexpected that the Prime Minister survived the meeting with Chieftain Shaa Gaa. I will interpret this event as a sign for the cheaporella citizens of Freaktopia to spent astronomical sums of money to buy 4D, TOTO and Big Sweep. Though I would dare to say that none will actually win, but they can donate their life savings generously to the Freaktopia Pools,” said a multi-tasking Minister of Foreign Affairs who was busy scribbling on a 4D ticket, consulting the punter’s guide, placing illegal football bets with Bookiemon (a notorious bookie) and answering our Freakstimes reporter’s questions.

Although the Freaktopian Prime Minister rejected the Fijian application, the Princess Mutabak is considering granting the Fijians a special citizen status: the Permanent Resident Evil status. Negotiations between the Royal Princess of Mutabak Kingdom and the Chieftain Ugg Gaa Shaa Gaa will take place at the Sultana, where the Chieftain can bite grapefruits instead of sinking his teeth into our Princess’s egg membrane. The Mutabakian Parliament speculated that the negotiation will include the satisfaction of the Fijians’ diet by adding the Leech and the devious TFM sect in the menu of destruction, as well as free slave trade to boost the global economy and productivity.

When asked for the real reason behind the Princess Mutabak’s willingness to negotiate with the See-Food Syndrome stricken Fijian Chieftain, Her Highness’s eyes flashed and widen to the size of Dodo Fishballs as she simply replied, “Mutabak Kingdom cannot afford our Prime Ministers to die on an annual basis. This is VERY bad for our economy as state funerals are terribly expensive and they include 7% GST.”

- Reported by special correspondent Mr Hao Bo Liao (currently undergoing facial construction at Freak Tock Seng Hospital after Chief Shaa Gaa bit off his face)

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