Friday, February 26, 2010

News Flash – a flash of news will be the very last thing you see before you expire

Other Realm – Yesterday evening, at approximately during the insane hours of 6pm where the expired are returning back to their crypts after a long hard day of haunting, cursing, revenge taking and other miscellaneous ghostly occupations, the SSW Immortal Pill factory blew up. The immortal pill factory was located at 666 Aloe Vera Low Drive, near to Bukit Hantu MRT interchange. When the explosion took place, fumes of highly concentrated gaseous divine essence diffused into the incense-polluted air of Aloe Vera Low Drive, causing the Other Realm inhabitants to breathe in the heavenly fumes.

This accident caused nearly 10,000 casualties as they all became immortalized and flew out of the Other Realm into the Heavenly Dimension. Several were exhibiting early symptoms of Accidental Immortalization and had to be rushed to Freak Tock Seng Hospital to undergo emergency Expiration Therapy. However, about 99% became immortals and floated through the ceilings into sainthood, much to the fury of the hospital’s chairman Ms Freako Seng.

Upon conducting an extremely intense investigation of the accident, it was discovered that several fragments of charred Thosai are recovered from the scene. The Freaktopian Police’s CID (Cannot-bake-it Investigation Division) speculated that it might be the dirty work of the Al Thosai Organization, although the public opinion is that the TFM sect is trying to take over the Other Realm and convert it into her own evil perverted playground. Just the mere thought of this spine-chilling notion caused another several more to fall into a irrecoverable coma, causing severe congestion in Freak Tock Seng Hospital.

“Just don’t let me find out who blew up the SSW Immortal Pill factory. I swear I will personally _____ that ____!” said President Hades, (tyrannical) ruler of the Other Realm, before frothing at the mouth due to over-agitation and presumably, an overdose of both dinosaur tranquilizers and Viagra.

“I feel that the Immortal Pill explosion is rather timely as the Other Realm is simply too over-populated and this is causing inflation which is bad for my citizens who want to import essentials such as pontianaks to haunt their evil family members and Voodoo Dolls to curse their cheating spouses,” croaked a feeble Princess Mutabak who had the runs 49 times after consuming an overly nutritious breakfast of Original Meng Po soup and Meng Mei True Samadhi Fire Congee.

- reported by Ms Pontianak Bte Hantu, Freakstimes Other Realm correspondent

* Freakstimes has deliberately left those words out in the report to encourage readers to have fun and unleash their creativity in literary vilification to its fullest extent.

Reported by: Duck Medium

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