Tuesday, February 9, 2010

NEWS FLASH - New Product!

Maureen Saw MK-III

“Arrrrgggghhhh! *Gurgle* SPLAT!!!!!!!! *dead silence*” –testimonial from a very satisfied victim

After much anticipation by fans, ACNE International has finally released the Maureen Saw MK-III. Made from the corpse and body parts of unfortunate victims from the Saw movie series, together with a molten mixture of Saw DVDs, chainsaw, hacksaw, electric saw and the Maureen Saw MK-II, the Maureen Saw MK-III is born! Boasting a blade so sharp that it has tremendous difficulty in cutting a birthday cake, the Maureen Saw MK-III is the one and only instrument of murder and torture for all sadists who wished (on every birthday) to replay scenes from Jason, Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street, live! With a long start-up sequence and loud buzzing sounds, the Maureen Saw MK-III will allow the victims to run for all they like, but its in-built and insured GPS will allow the user to never lose trail of his/her/its intended victim.

The Maureen Saw MK-III also incorporates a mobile phone function which allows the user to torment and harass the victim with death threats and mocking comments.

Bored? Games such as Hangman and House of the Dead 4 are available to entertain the killer while the victim tries to futilely hide in a bathroom. Satellite link to the Internet will grant the killer access to e-books on more innovative and highly amusing chopping and torturing techniques.

Buy the Maureen Saw MK-III today and begin butchering like there is no tomorrow (to the victims, the meaning is literal)!

Promotion: The Maureen Saw MK-III will be given free to those who have racked up a body count of at least the population of Egg Yolk City. Certified sadists will be given 40% discount off total purchases. Butchers will receive 30% discount. Jason-wannabes will receive 1% off.

Take your rusty Maureen Saw MK-II and trade in for a new Maureen Saw MK-III free!

Price: Please check out the price on our website (www.maureensaw.com.fk). Cheapo imitations are out in the black markets. But those will explode and impale the user with plenty of Maureen Saw shrapnel. Starcup, Sinktel or Bokia users will enjoy an extra 120% taxes and charges on their bills.

*look out for the new i-Saw in the next edition of The New Freakstimes.

Reported by: Duck Medium

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