Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Allopia Spy School Gadgets Inc.

“To invent and develop top-of-the-line and state-of-the-art gadgets to aid you in your espionage and destructive activities”

Allopia Spy School Gadgets Inc has done it again! This time, it has invented the powerful, deadly, environmentally-friendly and awesomely awe-inspiring Automatic Poollet Gun! This awesome weapon uses rabbit poo as bullets and shoots the small stinky balls of poo at enemies with great accuracy and amazing power!

The poo is not ordinary poo either. It comes from the First Rabbit of Freaktopia, a beloved pet of the Princess of Murtabak. Endearingly called “Snowbell” by the Murtabak Royal Family, the rabbit is fed on the finest food fit for a member of the royal family. The poo is generated at a rate of 1000 balls per hour as a result of the enormous amount of food it consumes each day.
The poo is categorized into 4 kinds, depending on the type of food the rabbit eats at different times of the day.

1) Standard Poollet
This type of poo is produced in the morning after the rabbit’s breakfast of grains and rabbit pellets.

Each poollet behaves like an ordinary bullet, penetrating the enemy’s body with superb precision and speed. Just 4 or 5 poollets are sufficient to bring down a foe, but it does not work well against big bosses.

Advantage: cheaper than the rest
Disadvantage: less powerful
Price: $100 for a pack of 10 poollets

2) Super Stinky Poollet Bomb
This type of poo is produced in the afternoon after the rabbit’s lunch of banana skin, durian, and pineapple. The poo is then chemically enhanced by adding 3 powerful essences of stinkiness produced by the King Skunk, Corpse BacteriaTM and Smelly Toufu of Great China.

The poollet emits a powerful, unbearable, and vomit-inducing stench that would make camel’s shit cry with shame. This poollet is excellent against medium difficulty foes, and especially those bosses who have low tolerance for bad smell. You could simply use a primitive catapult to shoot the bullet to bring your weaker foes to their knees to beg for mercy.

Once it penetrates the enemy’s body, the poollet explodes within and engulfs the enemy in a cloud of stinky smoke that would make him/her collapse within one quarter of a second.
Users are advised to purchase a titanium face-mask to protect themselves from the poisonous smell. Antidote for the poison is unavailable as yet, unfortunately.

Advantage: Powerful, poisonous smell
Disadvantage: The smell is dangerous to every single living organism with 5m radius, even to the shooter.
Price: $500 for a pack of 10 poollets

3) Bubble Tea Poollet
Resembling the black pearls used in Taiwan’s famous bubble tea, this poollet is produced in the late afternoon, after the rabbit’s tea time of Vanilla Flavoured Bubble Milk Tea with Black Pearls.

Each poollet is expanded to the size of an actual black pearl and the pain generated by each poollet is 20 times that of a regular poollet.

Advantage: more pain
Disadvantage: slow loading time
Price: $500 for a pack of 5 poollets

4) Lao Sai Poollet
This is the most powerful and deadliest poollet of the lot. Produced at 10pm sharp every night by the Royal Rabbit after a luxurious meal of Buddha Crash into the Wall, Bird’s Nest and SSW’s Forever Strong Supplements, only 1 pill is generated each night, hence the insanely exorbitant price—but worth it of you wish to annihilate your most hated enemy. Just one shot and your enemy will drop, regardless of how bad your shooting skill is, due to the intelligent target-searching property of the poollet (each poollet has an IQ equivalent to a Physics Professor) The missile-poollet will search for the desired target even if he/she were to run to the edge of the earth, guaranteeing death for your target.

Advantage: Your enemy sure die
Disadvantage: Extremely expensive
Price: $999,999 for 1 poollet


ASS Gadgets Inc is allocated at 99 Heavenly Road, Weapons Mall

Reported by: Urban Geek

Note: Poollet and gun are sold separately.

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