Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Freakstimes Financial Times

Sinkapoor (Freaktopia) – Somewhere in the vast Pathetic Ocean is the island nation of Sinkapoor, which is plagued with crime rates higher than that of the total height of Mount Pra and Mount Ro. With both civil and nuclear wars breaking out all over the place like a severe case of mumps coupled with chicken pox, cow pox, small pox and white pox, Sinkapoor indeed really has no chance of building up its economy.

This explains its chronic bankruptcy which has caused its government to continuously leech (must have been influenced by The Leech or TFM) on the assistant funds provided by the Freaktopian Inter-dimensional Bank.

In addition to its security problems and unsolvable problem of violence, Sinkapoor is made up of very low lands, which causes it to sink everyday by 100m into the ocean. Furthermore, with tropical tsunamis occurring every 5 minutes, floods are as frequent as diarrhoea patients running to the toilet. The island nation’s declaration of state of emergency due to catastrophic floods caused by light afternoon drizzles is one of the main contributors to the sky-rocketing and never-ending debts of Sinkapoor.

Ms Urban Geek, the newly appointed CEO of the Freaktopian Inter-dimensional Bank, has declared Sinkapoor as a financially hopeless case with no cure available whatsoever.

Till date, since its founding in 2010 BM, Sinkapoor had leeched approximately 998 zillion dollars, which Princess Mutabak (a major share holder of 50% shares) said are irrecoverable as she suffered similar loss (abeit smaller, but nevertheless nearly caused the Princess to go bankrupt) caused by the Leech.

The CEO, Chairperson and Board of Directors have called for a meeting with the Very United Nation, to discuss ways on how to put Sinkapoor out of its miserable existence. So far, from what Freakstimes has gathered, the solution consisted of whispered mentions of the Immortal SSW and involves several arcane researches to be conducted at the Royal Urban University of Mutabak’s Department of Messed Communications (Post Mortem Communications).

‘Hmmm. I think the Very United Nations may want to utilise the Fijians as it solves Fiji’s problems of starvation and shortage of food supply, yet simultaneously putting an end to Sinkapoor’s leeching ways and practices,” said Dr. Hannibal, a lecturer on International Conflict, Militaristic Deterrence and Civil Lethality Studies at Allopia Spy School.

“If investigation results show that Sinkapoor really has the spending habits of the Leech or TFM, I will never allow such twisted, sinful and abominable existence to continue to have a presence on Freaktopia! The Holy Imperial Kingdom of Mutabaks will never condone the leecherella ways of Sinkapoorians and its half-baked… no, cannot-bake-it, government!” shrieked and ranted a hyperventilating (due to over-enthusiasm about eliminating the poverty-stricken leeching island)

Princess Mutabak was at her Parliamentary address to the Kitchen Cabinet of Indian Cuisine Ministers from the countries of Naan, Puree, Roti Prata, Roti John and Putu Mayam. The Princess Mutabak has decreed that Sinkapoor is to repay its debts, even if it has to go into slavery and prostitution, or face the intolerably spicy wrath of the Kingdom and United Emirates of Indian Cuisine Nations.

- reported by Mr Chao Chee Bai (current whereabouts is unknown as he was sold as a sex slave by the Sinkapoorian government to some ulu country in Freaktopia. Freakstimes will be hiring a new reporter to replace him. Interested parties place contact the HR office at 1800-DON’T-HIREME)

Reported by: Duck Medium

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