Tuesday, March 16, 2010

News Flash!

Freak Tock Seng Hospital (Mutabak Kingdom, Freaktopia) – The Princess Mutabak was admitted into Freak Tock Seng Hospital after being viciously clubbed on the head by a full 5-litre metallic water bottle by a jealous and irrational SNSD fan. Doctors fear the worst, while the imperial embalmers are planning in advance for a state funeral should the royal princess expires from her grievous injury.

According to military investigations, the Princess Mutabak was chatting happily to her Filipino friend on the bus about the fact that SNSD really cannot dance, cannot sing and are terminal plastics, when the accused eavesdropped on the conversation. The friend of the Princess was also an anti-SNSD as she felt disgusted about how the nine epileptic mannequins dare to proclaim themselves as the representatives of ancient girls. It was then the male SONE started to suffer from a rabies relapse as soon as its audio senses detected signs of insults directed at its plastic idol. It began to engage the Princess Mutabak in a heated argument about how great SNSD is and how the Wonderfuls are blind to the beauty of plasticity. Of course, the royal highness, who prides herself as a being of intelligence, poise and graciousness, refused to engage in the senseless banter with the idiotic and sexually deprived male organism. She turned away from the argument. And that was the fatal mistake that earned the Princess a one-way express ticket to Freak Tock Seng Hospital.

The rabid plastic worshipper whipped out the murder weapon from its plastic bag and struck a death blow to the head of the Princess Mutabak, which shattered her egg membrane-like skull. However, the Royal Princess of Imperial Mutabak is not going down without a fight as priests at the Macarena Temple had said that she is the reincarnation of Xena: the Warrior Princess and the undisputed world champion at the Heavyweight Punch Bag event in the Olympigs Games. She gathered the last of her strength (which is gushing out like sewage out of a burst pipe) and took a well-aimed swing at the synthetic head of her attacker with her Prata bag*. The contact between the bag with the fragile plastic skull of the SNSD fan caused it to collapse like a badly constructed Lego building. But sadly, the Princess fainted due to excessive blood loss as blood was spraying out of her head like a bloody fountain.

After spending almost 72 hours on the dissection table, the Princess Mutabak was rescued from the jaws of death with a combination of SSW Immortal Pills, Duck Buddha threatening to plague the Other Realm with a lethal combination of Leech and TFM, and the High Summoner Geek remarking that she would sue the pants off SME and SNSD for placing the life of a royalty in jeopardy. The miraculous recovery of Her Highness greatly disappointed the Imperial Embalmers as it was nearly 4 day the last time they celebrated the state funeral of an executed minister who allowed the Nasi Briyani incident to escalate into a dimensional catastrophe.

Her Highness, heeding the warnings of her trusted AIDS, I mean aide, braced herself for a roof-shattering sermon from Queen Mutabak. She expected the Queen to copy the Duck Buddha‘s mother’s words and go: “Why are you so stupid? Who asked you to go and hit back?! God knows whether that guy will wait for you every day on the same bus, same time, until he stabs you to death”. But, the Queen Mutabak simply ignored the incident as she had quelled her anger by beheading, disembowelling and dismembering the culprit while the oblivious princess was in a coma.

* God knows what is in the damned bag as it weighs more than an adult killer whale. The forensic department is still emptying the bag which contained an interesting assortment of items ranging from a television to a live zebra. A decomposing skeleton was recovered, but the Princess said “leaving the skeleton in my closet is too dangerous as the nosy Queen Mutabak might accidentally excavate it while digging through my mountain of clothes with a spade. Having the skeleton in my handbag is safer”.

-written by Sinner-rella. Additional reporting by Duck Buddha

No comments:

Post a Comment