Friday, March 5, 2010

News Flash! K-pop Fever Epidemic!

South Diarrhoea (Freaktopia) – Of late, K-pop is on the rise in Freaktopia, causing a global epidemic of bobbing heads, speaking in unrecognisable tongues, broken necks and spines (failed attempts at Break Dance) and epileptic convulsions. The Princess Mutabak, although a powerful and much-feared monarch of the Mutabak Kingdom, is valiantly defending the honour of her favourite K-group, the Wonder Girls without resorting to have all fans of SNSD arrested and executed.

“SNSD, a group of nine female living organisms that have vague resemblances to the homo sapient species, cannot sing and dance to save their own lives,” said a cheongsam-clad Princess Mutabak who was dancing to the song “Nobody”, by the Wonder Girls. “Aiyoh! They dance as if they are stroke patients undergoing physiotherapy,” added the Duck Medium who was stuck in a toilet minus the paper.

It is common knowledge that SNSD was created by SME (Saddo-Masochism Entertainment) for 40 to 50 year old men to jerk off in front of the screen. So totally no taste. Yuck. Projectile vomit. Of course, SM himself does jerk off while watching the scantily-clad nine gyrating around and bouncing their artificially-enhanced butts and boobs. “It is such a pity that silicon is non-flammable. If not, we can see nine plastics running around alight,” commented the Urban Geek, Chancellor of the Royal Urban University of Mutabak.

Do you know why SNSD fans (mainly Dirty Old Men and sexually deprived males) dislike the Wonder Girls? The answer is simple: they have far too much fabric covering their bodies. Well, we can’t blame the SNSD for having their butt cheeks hanging out of their booty shorts as cheaporella SME is low on budget. Therefore a clothed Wonder Girl, courtesy of JYP who designs, provides and pay for the clothes, can scantly clothe at least four, make that five, SNSD members.

“Are you able to tell the difference between any randomly chosen SNSD members? No, you can’t. This is because all nine went to the same plastic surgeon with the same photo. And there, you have yourself nine identically bimbotic plastics who called themselves SNSD. They are better off being called STDS,” said the Duck Medium, who was violently sick after Teck Wei forced the holy medium to watch a video of SNSD’s concert performance. The Duck Medium was mentally unhinged and emotionally unstable after he got his eyes polluted by the tasteless video, and had to be admitted into Freak Tock Seng Hospital.

But that is not all about SNSD’s shortfall. Here comes the story about the fried chicken advertisement. This is one which had the Duck Medium’s mother laughing until her sides exploded in a bloody geyser and she had to be stitched up by untrained Forensic Prataologists students at the Royal Urban University of Mutabak. In fair comparison, moronic viewers are able to see that the Wonder Girls are indeed promoting the fried chicken which looks extremely tantalising and so tempting that the cheaporella mother of the Duck Medium expressed her desire to purchase it.

However, in the SNSD’s commercial, we are blinded by nine plastic convulsing and twitching spastically as though they have Down’s syndrome. “I don’t even see the chicken. It is like the chicken has only a merciful half-a-second coverage before the nine plastics flood the screen,” fumed the Princess Mutabak while she typed furiously on her keyboard in an attempt to battle against the brain-washed SNSD fans who were tainting the pristine reputation of the Wonder Girls. “Unlike the SNSD who are involved in scandals like there is no tomorrow, the Wonder Girls have a scandal record that is as white as liquid paper,” added the Princess Mutabak.

Strange enough, the Urban Geek, Princess Mutabak and Duck Medium possess zero percent chance of becoming a SNSD fan. And that will be the last thing on their mind, and if it even was on their mind in the first place. Of course, the Duck Medium remains a neutral party as it only listens to songs with a catchy beat and a speed that will guarantee insomnia. He would rather go blind and deaf than to watch another round of SNSD video. May SME be blessed with plenty of lawsuits from a highly disgruntled Super Junior (who were banished, or rather, exiled to China. Poor lambs).

- reported by the Duck Medium (undergoing Expiration Therapy, no thanks to Teck Wei)

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