Sunday, December 27, 2009

Channel News Freaktopia

Top News - National Cadet Corpse (NCC) established by Freaktopian Ministry of Defence

Freaktopia - The Freaktopian Minister of Defence Mr Kana Sai today announced the establishment of a mercenery army, the National Cadet Corpse. The army of undead soldiers will provide a range of services from assault to espionage - you name it, they do it. These indestructible forces would certainly prove to be a deterrent to any terrorist groups, such as the Al Thosai group, intending to bomb the cities of Freaktopia with their repulsive Curry bombs and Eggplant Missiles.

Each soldier is carefully selected from the Freaktockseng Hospital Mortuary, through a series of tests and interviews (through spiritual communication) that sieves out only the elites among the myriad of rotting corpses. The selected corpses are then genetically injected with the breakthrough and newly-patented Immortal SSW's Immortality Genes that tranform the corpses into animate beings.

These undead soldiers are then put through 10 years of rigorous training and conditioning where they are force-fed 1 kg of Duck Matter daily. The Duck Matter is a special concoction of revolting Heavenly Herbs, Essence of the Holy Duck Medium and a strand of Sadako Hair. This dreadful mixture can endow a person with powerful strength and supernatural abilities (differs from person to person). However, the Duck Matter can only be consumed by the non-living things. Any living person that tries to consume it will see his/her driving licence revoked.

After 10 years, these soldiers would be ready to serve in the prestigious National Cadet Corpse where they would receive fat monthly salaries of $100 billion (hell money).

To engage the NCC's services, please call 1900-999-9999.

Service charge: $1 billion per hour

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