Freaktopia,
Freaktopia – Recently, there is a thick suffocating blanket of asthma-inducing
haze enveloping the realm of Freaktopia. The innocent smog does absolutely
nothing except for causing traffic accidents to pop up like a fungus infection,
cause the Freaktopian inhabitants (humans and non-humans, alive and dead alike)
to drop dead like flies being sprayed with a healthy dose of Baygone and flood
the newspapers with thoroughly useless reports on the current obstinate
atmospheric condition that is determined to stay for the next few millennia and
add itself to the ever-increasing problems and woes of Freaktopia.
As the haze
continues to exist, the Health and Death Ministry is experiencing a huge spike
in its citizens dropping like flies, spontaneously combusting and being flung
5km after being hit by speeding vehicles and splattering all over the roads.
”The haze is simply terrible, you know?!” demanded an irate Mutabakian whom was
smoking literally at the ears. “I cannot even see who I am talking to and
whenever I hear voices, I thought I going insane because I am talking to an
invisible person,” said the Mutabakian to herself before spontaneously
combusting to a delightful crisp. The High Commissioner of the Mutabakian
Police Force had declared that the entire force will be on break until the haze
moves to another dimension, until then, citizens are encouraged to take legal
matters into their hands. Also, the executioner will be away on annual leave.
Much as the haze is posing plenty of physical and mental health issues to
law-abiding Freaktopians, the thick and impenetrable smog is good news to those
who are planning break-ins, smugglings, heists and murder or simply getting
away scot-free after mowing down a crowd of kindergarten brats playing in the
middle of the highway.
Nobody know
how the haze came about as it literally appeared out of Nowhere (a new
dimension that is currently being explored by physicists at the Royal Urban
University of Mutabak (RUUM), Unknown University (UU) and Allopia Spy School
(ASS)) and settled over the infinitely vast multiverse of Freaktopia, as though
it is a sentient being and had arrived at the conclusion that this is the
perfect place for a permanent residence. This is the official answer issued
unanimously by the three most prestigious educational institutions in
Freaktopia. However, the inhabitants are unsatisfied by such “boring and
brainlessly politically correct statements” and that they are beginning to dig
into matter (armed with teaspoons, spatulas and beach spades). “I am certain the
haze is caused by the ongoing war between Fiji and Veggiepura with the former
burning swathes of farmlands, vegetable
crops, plantations and citizens, while the latter is retaliating with firing of
chili bombs, catapulting of gigantic pumpkins, hurling of exploding watermelons
and arcane summoning of killer beanstalks,” said a Mutabakian sagely. Yet
again, not all Freaktopians share the same sentiments. One believed that the
haze might be due to the Urban Geek’s summoning ritual going awry and her
flaming Ifrit is happily hurling hellfire everywhere and anywhere.
In her
defence, the Urban Geek, aka Royal High Summoner, stated she had not been
conducting any summoning rituals and the hot weather is certainly not conducive
for summoning a Fire-type Aeon since the summoner is likely to faint and die
from heatstroke before the Aeon could be successfully summoned. When fingers
are pointed in the direction of the Duck Medium, whom is well-known for
conducting numerous forbidden rituals, the medium was discovered to be silently
slitting open several teddy bears and muttering prayers in the dark. Meanwhile,
the Princess of Mutabak is unavailable for comments and is believed to be on an
incognito tour of the scenic environs of Mount Pra.
