Thursday, August 19, 2010

News Flash! - Forever21 Collaborates with Immortal SSW to Create Beauty Immortal Pills

Freaktopia - The creator of holy garments like the Ne Zha Scarf, The Invincible Holy Vest, the Violet Divine Tunic, the Ultimate Holy Bodysuit, the Heavenly Thunderpants, and the God-Blessed Headgear, has revolutionized the fashion world with its line of magic-empowered apparels since 1000 BM (Before Murtabaks) And now, it is set to bring its hordes of manic fans (usually recognized by their frothing at the mouth and bloodshot eyes) even more fantastic products, through its collaboration with the Holy Immortal SSW Corporation to produce Beauty Immortal Pills. According to sources (highly unreliable), these pills can keep the consumer young forever, just like what they look like at 21 years old!

"We are very excited about the collaboration and we hope that our fans will love the new products! As always, we are committed to our company mission to bring eternal youth to all who are willing to splurge ridiculously absurd sums of money on their appearance!" said Miss Jojo Jo, CEO of Forever21 Inc.

The kaypo reporter also had the rare opportunity to interview the Holy Immortal SSW, who had descended to Freaktopia from his abode on top of Mount Pra to participate in the ribbon-cutting and party-poppers popping session at Waffles Hotel. In fact, the Holy Immortal SSW only comes down to the mortal realm once every pink moon.

"I look forward to this collaboration between Forever21 and my company. I'm sure we can create amazing beauty pills with our powerful technology that is way ahead of time (possibly ahead of alien technologies as well). We look forward to making an insane amount of money out of this generation of image and youth-obsessed consumers!" said the Holy Immortal SSW.

The Forever21-SSW Beauty Immortal Pills is estimated to be priced at $999999 per bottle and is only available at Forever21 stores. Starcup users are entitled to 0.0001% discount.

On a side note, rival company Miss Selfish is rumoured to be planning a collaboration with the Allopia Spy School to create weapon-enhanced apparels, such as the self-detonating life-vest, landmine-studded T-shirt, and Flying Guillotine Hats. Fans of bloodied encounters have expressed great interest in these new products.

How will the competition between Forever21 and Miss Selfish pan out? Only time will tell...

Reported by: Urban Geek

Monday, August 16, 2010

Unclassified - Orbituary

Today, we celebrate the expiration of a whopping 2 citizens of Freaktopia. Join us as we cheer for their permanent exile to the Other Realm. As a parting gift for these expired souls, they will be awarded $500,000 (Hell notes) to spend in the underworld (only at Bimbocity, terms and conditions apply). Families of these souls will be given 1 year's supply of Kleenex tissue to cry with (by the kind generosity of The Tissue Company).

1. Miss Mee Soto, 39

Miss Mee expired unpeacefully on 7/7, leaving behind loved ones.

Cause of death: Watched the Ring tape on a 1000 inch TV, resulting in a curse that's magnified 1000 times in power.

Family members:
Father: Mee Siam
Mother: Wanton Mee
Brother: Mee Pok

Sister: Mee Kia

2. Mrs Meh Meh

Mrs Meh Meh departed for the other realm peacefully, leaving behind loved ones.

Cause of death: Mrs Meh Meh died from her obsessive compulsive disorder in counting sheeps. She counted up to over 1000000000000 before passing away in grief when she realized that Freaktopia does not have that many sheeps.

Family members:
Son: Mah Meh Mo
Daughter: Ma Mee

P.S: Freaktopian Casket Association is currently facing a shortage of undertakers. Interested and qualified parties are encouraged to apply at The Freaktopian National Cemetary.

- hold a degree in Undertaker course at any Poison Ivy League Colleges.
- trained in controlling hordes of hopping vampires at the Zhang Taoist School
- minimum 100 years experience preferred
- fresh graduates may apply as graduate trainees under Grand Master Jiang Shi Dao Zhang.

Reported by: Urban Geek

Wednesday, August 11, 2010